editorial
Jonathan Zelken M'07I have been at Tufts for over half a year. Not such a long time. I have yet to find the best secret double-oh study spot in the M and V Building. I have yet to discover that PBL entitles students a free copy card, courtesy of the OEA. There are plenty of things I might discover that will enhance my medical school experience. Unfortunately, the only secrets I learned are the bad ones. That is to say, in seven months I already discovered all the pet peeves (all five) this school has to offer. Sackler is a great place, and once we work around the following, it will be even better.
Eutrophic urinals
Urinals need to be flushed. They need to be flushed. Please flush the urinals.
Old urine from dehydrated people smells bad on Sunday afternoons after hours
of stagnation. How about that for consonance? When urinals are not flushed,
the victim faces a difficult decision. He must either flush the urinal and
inhale the ensuing vapor plume or leave it be, and suffer the inevitable
backsplash (composed of a colloid of two or more peoples’ urines).
To avoid second-degree consumption of another man’s (or woman’s)
urine, the index urinator need wear a face mask, flush, walk away, walk
back after the urine fallout clears, then go number one. That is an entirely
unnecessary sequence of events. Urinals need to be flushed post-urination.
I implore: please flush them.
Towel sketch (as suggested by Robert
Rix M’07)
I love when paper towels are mistaken for curtains. There is nothing more
comforting after a stressful day of classes than not finding a place to
study in my own library. It is understandable, albeit annoying. What’s
better is when study rooms are sealed off with paper towels that read “keep
out” or “please knock”. What’s best is when said
rooms are occupied by people who may not be Health Sciences students, or
by a single Health Sciences student, or my favorite: by nobody at all. I
can think of a single reason to justify the paper towel tactic. If the culprits
are reading this call to arms, I must say: you’d better be gettin’
some. Otherwise, everybody picks their nose in the library; do not be ashamed.
Soap Scumbags (as suggested by Becky
Rich M’06)
While I’m on the potty-talk tack, what’s with the Sackler faucets?
Last time I enjoyed pop-a-weasel, I was twelve years old. Anyway, I like
to wash my hands after responding to nature’s call. I’m somewhat
obsessive about it. And even I consider not washing my hands when I’m
in this building. Still, I must admit, that incompletely-washed-soapy-feeling
on my hands leaves a nice coconut scent (and the ladies love it). I do appreciate
that the faucets prevent the unnecessary waste of water, but can we have
6 more seconds? Where’s the timer?
Cacophony (as
suggested by Ryan Morrissey M’07)
The Russian National Anthem is a great song, don’t get me wrong. What
a melody. It’s very catchy. The Anthem sounds so good when Professor
Merk is interrupted by it. I like the part after the song ends when students
laugh and point fingers- the ensuing rabble-rousing is a great sequel. Even
better, the follow-up tune that reminds us that a message has been left,
yes, a message has been left, folks. You know, there’s nothing that
breaks up the monotony of Bundles of His like a well-composed polyphonic
tune. But let’s keep it down, shall we? All I ask is that those who
are responsible for said interruptions rectify the problem; one interruption
per person, per class, is all we need. I propose that the culprits either
turn their phones to vibrate mode, or off, or that they stop leaving messages
that include the phrase “call me back whenever”.
{P = MD IFF H = Hypocrite; Q.E.D.}
The phrase “P = MD” frustrates this author. I’d rather
wear a tee-shirt that boasts “P = MD if MD is an abbreviation for
mediocre”. Many of us have chosen to practice medicine for different
reasons, but a common feature among us ought to be a sheer interest in medicine
that might override social, athletic, artistic ventures. I ask readers to
commend your colleagues, students, etc. for being ‘over-the-top’
every now and then; encourage their educational and professional development.
I ask administration at this medical school to place some sort of moratorium
on “P = MD” (perhaps by discouraging the sale of t-shirts that
say ‘P=MD’) and maybe Tufts University might become more honorable
an institution than passing. That may have come off the wrong way, but I
hope it illustrates my point.